Monday, January 30, 2012

Proposed pitch for ABNA

Pitch for Moon Shadow


When a new and potentially planet-killing contagion is discovered, Moon Shadow, an isolated resort town located in Alaska's primitive and rugged interior, becomes the focus of a military-style incursion.

Major Pepper, who is in charge of the operation, has the local residents rounded up into a razor-wire inclosed quarantine. Because of the danger of a potential pandemic, they are to be transferred to a more prison-like underground quarantine.

Two of the residents, Trevor, a young physician, and Jodie, an Earth Project environmentalist, are not having any of this obvious violation of human rights. They escape and are hunted down like fugitives with the full arsenal of the US Army at the Major's disposal. The two have to use a zip line to escape a three-story-burning lodge When they seek refuge in an abandoned gold mine, the entrance is caved in by a missile strike.

The two fugitives do manage to find a way out of the mine and try to make their way back to civilization and safety by floating down river on a rubber raft. While fighting for their lives against nature and the deranged Major Pepper, the two begin to fall in love with each other. They discover they have more to live for then exposing the Major for his treachery and his murder of innocent civilians for the greater good.


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6 comments:

  1. Reggie, where in midst of their escape From a mine do they come across these necessary means, i. e. the raft?

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  2. They manage to escape from the mine to find the lodge burned down and the community of Moon Shadow is evacuated. They are the last ones free to tell what happened. The Major has left everything booby trapped, but they find an old but still useable rubber raft. I know the pitch leaves a lot of unanswered questions, but from what I am told, that is the idea. Hook the reader so they will want to read more. Hope you will follow my progress in the contest. The first chapter is available here on my blog for Moon Shadow and my new novel InThe Midnight Hour.
    Thanks for your comment.

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  3. Wishing you well in the contest. Moon Shadow sounds like an action-packed adventure.

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  4. You are too kind and thank you. Here is hoping some of your success rubs off on me for my own two book deal.

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  5. Hey Reggie, sounds action packed! For this kind of story I might make the query a bit more "punchy" with shorter sentences and eliminate some of those unecessary words. Sounds exciting, thriller - use your words/sentences to convey this cool premise. Good luck!

    ie. The two have to use a zip line to escape a burning lodge, only to be trapped in an abandoned gold mine after the entrance is caved in by a missile strike.

    Shorter? ie. They zip line out of a burning lodge to find themselves suddenly trapped in an old mine by an army missile strike.

    ie. The Major, in charge of the operation, has the local residents rounded up into a razor-wire inclosed quarantine.

    shorter? ie. The Major, in charge of the operation, quarantines local residents behind barbed wire.

    ie. The two fugitives manage to find a way out of the mine and make their way back to civilization and safety by floating down river on a rubber raft.

    shorter? ie. The two fugitives escape the mine by river raft and head for civilization - and safety.

    Also look for echoes...you say "only to be" twice.

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  6. Thanks for the great comment and edits Donna. Crazy how a different set of eyes can see errors and such. Have to make some changes.

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