tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8104255655289502401.post3665760770897090021..comments2023-10-17T02:36:47.478-07:00Comments on Characters Well Met: The BullyRegge Ridgwayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13496938203092973538noreply@blogger.comBlogger21125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8104255655289502401.post-7339009060004893422011-05-29T10:30:10.322-07:002011-05-29T10:30:10.322-07:00Truth be known I had never looked up pedgy until n...Truth be known I had never looked up pedgy until now. In my innocence I didn't realize it was a word only something my peers made up to rhyme with Reggie. But know that I know what it means, I feel a whole new host of shame. Thanks reviewers. But I really do thank all of those who commented. This is the first time I have had many of them for a little story. It fills me with pride and appreciation for my new found friends in the writing community. And encourages me to continue writing. So it is your fault. He he.Regge Ridgwayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13496938203092973538noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8104255655289502401.post-82998311733259760072011-05-29T10:12:27.659-07:002011-05-29T10:12:27.659-07:00Hello, it’s Carla from the Writers Circle.
I real...Hello, it’s Carla from the Writers Circle.<br /><br />I really enjoyed this story. I thought it was well written; the narrative has good direction and the characters voice stays consistent throughout. I agree with Leanne (Crimson) about the use of the word “pedgy” (had to look it up. Kind of wish I hadn‘t.) and using vocabulary that international audiences would recognise, although I don’t know what other word you could’ve used in it‘s place. So perhaps a short explanation of the word would have been best? (Like the explanation for ’Swirly’.) Especially when you’re writing from a teenagers point of view, they are notorious for using words that no one has ever heard of (it’s like they belong to a special club.).Cloverhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16542742253032170846noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8104255655289502401.post-89635729685758872382011-05-27T15:37:54.791-07:002011-05-27T15:37:54.791-07:00Great comments and critique. As a beginning writer...Great comments and critique. As a beginning writer it is like going back to school. Imam constanty learning from other writers and am very grateful for their time. Thanks Crimson and can't wait to read you words. ReggieRegge Ridgwayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13496938203092973538noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8104255655289502401.post-42940999067394978282011-05-27T12:13:48.892-07:002011-05-27T12:13:48.892-07:00Hello Reggie, it's Leanne here from the writer...Hello Reggie, it's Leanne here from the writer's circle, here to welcome you to your first writer's circle and give you some comments on your work. :)<br /><br />I thought this was a great piece; you have a clear sense of character and the use of first person, coupled with the conversational style and informal language really does give the impression that we are reading the diary, or memories of a teenage boy. It's often very difficult to write with a clear voice, but you have accomplished it with this piece. <br /><br />There is also a strong sense of place in this piece. As well as referencing places in Texas and California, there are also a lot of more subtle allusions, the mentions of redwoods, 57 chevys and quarterbacks mean that I can instantly place the action in an American high school. Having said this, there are certain words that I (as a Brit) had to look-up (pedgy? That was certainly an eye-opener!) so if you're writing for a more international audience you might want to tailor your vocabulary accordingly. <br /><br />Another thing I like is the way you begin the story with direct speech, which means that the reader is thrust into the action from the off. The ace of the narrative is spot on and reflects the mood of the piece very well. <br /><br />If I had to criticise anything I would say that, a couple occasion, your sentence structure is a little clumsy. These are as follows:<br />In paragraph four, the phrase 'I previously had spent my summers out here...' might scan better if it read 'I had previously spent my summers out here...'<br /> and in the tenth paragraph, the phrase 'I even had made a few friends..' might work better as 'I had even made a few friends...'. <br /><br />Other than that I thought it was a great piece of writing.Crimson Ebolghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09980522480303126393noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8104255655289502401.post-84704445994281616132011-05-25T08:05:29.717-07:002011-05-25T08:05:29.717-07:00Yep, as Jerry said... very powerful stuff.Yep, as Jerry said... very powerful stuff.Dana Martinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10572600397353343386noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8104255655289502401.post-62075189598800232362011-05-24T21:19:25.235-07:002011-05-24T21:19:25.235-07:00My friend Dana commented on your writing. I'm...My friend Dana commented on your writing. I'm too busy dealing with the oogy feeling you just dredged up from my school days. I'd call that effective writing.Jerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16553876967209814324noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8104255655289502401.post-13164409981090710542011-05-23T09:25:17.463-07:002011-05-23T09:25:17.463-07:00Yes, I got from your other comments that the story...Yes, I got from your other comments that the story comes from a real life experience, but that doesn't make it any easier to write and/or to convey with such creativity and timing. Well done.Dana Martinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10572600397353343386noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8104255655289502401.post-45381484945949693482011-05-23T06:27:29.972-07:002011-05-23T06:27:29.972-07:00Wow Dana and Doreen. You have both managed to laun...Wow Dana and Doreen. You have both managed to launch my ego into the stratosphere. Have to come down a bit and admit that I wrote this on the fly from my own experiences. Most of this narrative actually happened so it was easy to just reminise. I have a proclivity for writing like I am telling a story to a bunch of freinds at a bar or something. So far this is working for me in my first novel and two short stories. I'm writing another novel now and your comments strengthen me. Thank you so much and will always remember your kind words and encouragement from others as well on this writing journey I am on. Good luck Doreen with your WIP about bullies. I will definitely want to read it so keep in touch. Thanks again Donna for telling me about the contest and such. I want to be involved any way I can. :)Regge Ridgwayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13496938203092973538noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8104255655289502401.post-29085993564795102832011-05-22T21:54:46.275-07:002011-05-22T21:54:46.275-07:00This was such a well written post. I am sort of c...This was such a well written post. I am sort of caught up in "Bully" issues these days. Have a book coming out this summer about 8 of them.<br /> I had a terrible time in high school because I moved several times (divorced parents ugghh).<br /><br />http://www.doreenmcgettigan.comDoreen McGettiganhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11691803968607905576noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8104255655289502401.post-44110305265931583722011-05-22T20:02:42.010-07:002011-05-22T20:02:42.010-07:00Thanks for inviting me to read and comment. I foun...Thanks for inviting me to read and comment. I found the narrator's voice amazingly real. The dialog was succinct and not overdone. I enjoy the back story interwoven between the "invitation" and the actual fight, a nice time slot to give the reader precious information we need in order to cheer for the right character. See, it wasn't enough that it was just a cliched bully against the stereotypically picked-on smaller kid, so you presented him as a real guy with a real history. We get to see that in some ways he's the innocent product of adult decisions that had nothing to do with him. The reader develops feelings for him in a very short amount of time.<br /><br />And... the timing was great, too.<br /><br />A real pleasure to read. Thank you for the invitation. :) Writers of Kern holds a summer writing contest each year... I daresay that this would have won the money last August. <br /><br />DanaDana Martinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10572600397353343386noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8104255655289502401.post-5182486817480247272011-05-22T13:44:45.430-07:002011-05-22T13:44:45.430-07:00Thanks Lisa I was inspired by a post on Dravens b...Thanks Lisa I was inspired by a post on Dravens blog and it churned up some old memories.Regge Ridgwayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13496938203092973538noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8104255655289502401.post-50091398113165787672011-05-22T12:58:26.163-07:002011-05-22T12:58:26.163-07:00What an extremely power story. Very nice job here...What an extremely power story. Very nice job here.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8104255655289502401.post-70932843449071077462011-05-20T17:03:30.729-07:002011-05-20T17:03:30.729-07:00Thank you Donna. I felt it too. Lol. Maybe with a ...Thank you Donna. I felt it too. Lol. Maybe with a few more bruisesRegge Ridgwayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13496938203092973538noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8104255655289502401.post-46194843446970309092011-05-20T16:54:43.872-07:002011-05-20T16:54:43.872-07:00You were a hero and didnt know it...great story an...You were a hero and didnt know it...great story and the backstory gives us the whole flavor. I can feel that painful scene as an awkward teen.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8104255655289502401.post-11847932279874276192011-05-20T15:21:33.499-07:002011-05-20T15:21:33.499-07:00Thanks Shalagh an Draven. Still have the smart mou...Thanks Shalagh an Draven. Still have the smart mouth lol and still getting me in trouble. At least people throw words now instead of punches lol.Regge Ridgwayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13496938203092973538noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8104255655289502401.post-83063260404465162822011-05-20T14:15:34.150-07:002011-05-20T14:15:34.150-07:00I knew this sounded like it really happened. I sta...I knew this sounded like it really happened. I started getting that feeling toward the end. At first, it sounded like a story, but it ended up being so true to your voice. <br /><br />good story. So you accidentally hit him in the nose? Crazy. <br /><br />In eighth grade, I was 4'7. You could imagine the people who picked on me. Did you have a smart mouth on you, like I did? It got me in so much trouble back then, and in the army.<br /><br />Great story here. I might break up some paragraphs and make it faster, but the story was on point. I look forward to reading more.<br /><br />Draven AmesAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12563209830154165271noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8104255655289502401.post-91352658692371077052011-05-20T14:07:42.614-07:002011-05-20T14:07:42.614-07:00wow great story recalling the past love how you wr...wow great story recalling the past love how you wrote thisSheilagh Leehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13741333943021570641noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8104255655289502401.post-50720838953953060232011-05-20T10:14:02.039-07:002011-05-20T10:14:02.039-07:00Lol Julee. Thanks and will check out your blog :)Lol Julee. Thanks and will check out your blog :)Regge Ridgwayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13496938203092973538noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8104255655289502401.post-51443047171275449962011-05-20T04:56:12.448-07:002011-05-20T04:56:12.448-07:00Love it. Yeah, the female equivalent of Scott put ...Love it. Yeah, the female equivalent of Scott put tacks on my seat and made me the target of her wrath on the dodgeball field in gym class. But, she let her anger get the best of her and decked the vice principal right before graduation. Sometimes, there is revenge and it is living well. Have a super week! http://fateandfaith-julee.blogspot.com/2011/05/follow-friday-and-my-first-attempt-at.htmlJulee J. Adamshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06074318571722993020noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8104255655289502401.post-35082352397404747182011-05-19T17:58:59.649-07:002011-05-19T17:58:59.649-07:00True word my friend. True words. Bwahahahaha. Yo...True word my friend. True words. Bwahahahaha. You slay me. That was good Donald. You should be a writer. :)Regge Ridgwayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13496938203092973538noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8104255655289502401.post-84794040131285927292011-05-19T14:41:01.018-07:002011-05-19T14:41:01.018-07:00This story brought a tear to my eye. Poor Scott.
F...This story brought a tear to my eye. Poor Scott.<br />First you attempted to steal his girlfriend and then you broke his nose. Why, if this had happened today, I'm sure that your mom would have been contacted by not only the school, but also by the lawyer representing Scott's parents in the assault case they were bringing against you. Without doubt you would have to undergo some sort of psychological exam to evaluate your aggressive tendencies and thereafter attend some sort of anger management classes. Also, the parents of the girl you were talking to at the beginning of this story might get a whiff of easy money and coerce their daughter into saying that you were acting sexually aggressive towards her and that this is what prompted the now gravely injured Scott to try to defend her honor. The school, eager to avoid the scandal of a sexual harassment lawsuit, might well settle out of court with the girl's parents and expel you. <br />Thank God we grew up in an earlier time, huh?Donald Wellshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09438983785789714227noreply@blogger.com